A Rebuttal

Aaron-

I’m going to put aside, for the moment, the two major factors that, I suspect, underscore your reaction to my, imperfect, yet quite excellent piece entitled “The Driver.” As a point of interest, these two factors are:
1. English is your second language.
2. You were exceedingly drunk when you wrote your response.
Either of these, or both, would explain your failure to notice the subtle, and obvious, ironies that always lurk “between the lines” in this kind of satire. They would also go a long way in helping to explain your post’s absence of a single complete or accurately punctuated sentence, your madcap approach subject-verb agreement, and how you allowed a sentence like, “my intentional is far from offensive” to become part of your final draft. But as I said, I will leave both of these factors, as they are mere guesses, alone for now, and approach the rest your criticism with the assumption that we are on equal footing with respect to our grasp of English and sobriety.

The thrust of your frustration with the piece seems to come from your views on race and class. You make the charge of “implied racism” and then fail to point out a single example of where you think this occurs. Your failure to include any examples leaves us to make the following assumption; you couldn’t find any. Not a single word is mentioned about race until the beautifully sown together “stupid old Mexican” line; which we will examine. Stupid is derogatory. Old can be derogatory. Mexican is not derogatory (and not a race, but I’ll try to stay focused). How, or why, you chose to draw racism from this says more about you than it does about me. I’m being glib, of course, but again, with no examples given you leave your arguments exposed and at my mercy. I’m going to ignore the rest of your trite points about kindness, bitterness, misanthropy, and ignorance for fear of falling asleep from boredom by dealing with them. In your post you mention serenity at one point, and I believe even God makes a brief appearance. I hope you find both, but I’m interested in discussing neither.

This brings us to a point, by contrast, of great interest to me, which is your attempt at an actual literary critique of my fine, fine work. If you think I’ve had a lot to say so far, buckle up buddy! Your audacious claim that my plot line is “vague” and I miss “vital details” will not be tolerated. If there were ever a time for a well placed “How dare you, sir!” I would say this is it.

Let us begin. There is, and has always been, a good deal of confusion, among the lay, surrounding the subtle difference between plot and story. You sir, I’m afraid, are a part of this vast and troublesome group. I will now take you on a step-by-step tour through, what are generally regarded to be, the six major elements of “plot.” I will include a brief description of each plot element and an example of how my fine piece, “The Driver,” achieves all six with clarity, purpose, and style. Get your notebook out!

Exposition: The beginning of the plot usually concerned with establishing characters and setting. In the exposition of “The Driver” we meet an idiot, fat fuck, bus driver and our hero. We also find out that they are on a bus.

There, off and running! Characters and setting established perfectly. Anything to say? Didn’t think so.

Conflict – the actual or perceived opposition of need, values and interests. The conflict in “The Driver” immediately establishes that the idiot, fat fuck, bus driver is rude, without provocation, to her passengers and that our hero is not a man to tolerate such rudeness.

Bang! Conflict.

Rising action - builds suspense leading to the climax. The driver tells our hero to get off the bus. Our hero refuses.

The suspense can be cut with a dull knife, can’t it Aaron?

Climax – The high point, a moment most intense, a turning point, a major culmination of events. Climax can be murky at times given that the narrative climax doesn’t always coincide with the psychological climax, never the less, when our hero leaves the bus, resorting order, and perhaps joy, to the lives of the riffraff on the bus, both are achieved.

Anyone else climaxing around here? If I had two pistols I’d be firing them into the air right now, Aaron.

Falling action - following the climax and shows the effects of the climax. Our hero faces off with the idiot, fat fuck, bus driver. He doesn’t tell her that he hopes she gets lung cancer, further establishing him as the story’s moral center.

Five down, one to go, Aaron. And the next one is in French!

Denouement - Conflicts are resolved, creating normality for the characters and a sense of catharsis, or release of tension and anxiety, for the reader. Simply put, dénouement is the unraveling or untying of the complexities of a plot. One of the passengers gives our hero the finger, demonstrating that the people on the bus have learned nothing and our hero has learned everything. He sees another bus coming off in the distance, and sees it as another opportunity to “do right” in a world full of people who care very little about “right.”

Well Aaron I’m afraid it looks like, you’re a jackass!

There are countless other points I could make, but what would the point be?

In your response to my post you recommended that I peruse a few of you blogs. I did so. I hope you had a good time in Peru.

You closed one of your pieces with this:

I am less than a gob of spit in the river of time, but I have tasted its greatest and I am blessed. Gratitude to God. God bless all the Americas!

Far be it from me to try and figure out what the fuck that’s supposed to mean, but as an American I will say, I appreciate your blessing. And I hope in the future you are able to come across blogs that better suit your sensibilities.

- JP